In2-MeC

Sant Nagar, Delhi
27 April 2003

All flowers will droop in absences of the sun that waked their sweets.

But Srila Rupa Gosvami instructs us:
tam nirvyajam bhaja guna-nidhe pavanam pavananam
sraddha-rajyan-matir atitaram uttamah-sloka-maulim
prodyann antah-karana-kuhare hanta yan-nama-bhanor
abhaso'pi ksapayati maha-pataka-dhvanta-rasim

O reservoir of all good qualities, just worship Sri Krishna, the purifier of all purifiers, the most exalted of the personalities worshiped by choice poetry. Worship Him with a faithful, unflinching mind, without duplicity and in a highly elevated manner. Thus worship the Lord, whose name is like the sun, for just as a slight appearance of the sun dissipates the darkness of night, so a slight appearance of the holy name of Krsna can drive away all the darkness of ignorance that arises in the heart due to greatly sinful activities performed in previous lives.  [Bhakti-rasamrta-sindhu 2.1.103]
Melancholia has deeply smitten me. I droop like a flower deprived of the sun, pierced by the arrow of realization that in but a few hours from now, I will be trapped inside a metal banshee screaming high in the sky away from the holy land of Sri Krsna and Gouranga Mahaprabhu. My heart sags in my breast like a heavy stone. Desolation rules my mind.
But Sri Rupa Gosvami tells us that the Krishna sun that nourishes the inner sweets of our flower-like spiritual identity is exactly identical to His holy Name. This Name must be worshiped with a faithful, unflinching mind, without duplicity. We must strive to worship that Name in a highly elevated manner. Then that transcendental life-giving sun may shine upon us always.
His verse evokes in me a rapture in blue. Rapture, yes, for when we hear such transcendental poetry by our rasa-acarya it transports us into the realm of bliss; but the blue of sadness still clings, for I am extremely far beneath that highly elevated state of nama-seva that Sri Rupa Gosvami advises us to cultivate.
Happiness is not a reward--it is a consequence. Suffering is not a punishment--it is a result. I must humbly submit to the result of my sinful activities and try to persevere. I try to take heart in the truth that by suffering comes wisdom. Yet alas, my own efforts are never enough.
Will you not gather round to help me, o merciful devotees?  For I think a true friend is somebody who can make us do what we can. With your help, I do belive I can make the Name of Krishna the eternal sun of my unfortunate life.

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