In2-MeC

Sant Nagar, Delhi
26 April 2003

I am now in the huge overheated city of maya that devotees jokingly call "smelly Delhi," because the air here is so polluted. Tomorrow night I shall board a KLM flight for Amsterdam. Today I am going shopping for a small luggage bag. Otherwise, mercifully, I shall do nothing here except chant my rounds. I am still soooo tired from the Govardhana parikrama. It is difficult to even walk short distances because every joint of my body aches so much. Yesterday I was dazed most of the time with heat stroke.
Rasa-lila dd, who stays here in Sant Nagar 62 working on a degree in Bharat-natyam dance, thinks she also suffered from a little heat stroke yesterday from being out in the city sun. It is like an oven here. In any case, she is her smiling usual self, and that is a comfort to see. Comfort, because...

...my having to leave India now is so sad. This morning I felt so useless. But in the midst of that inner lost feeling, I also felt Srila Prabhupada's helping hand. I do have a plan for these coming times--to study hard and develop as a preacher. Srila Prabhupada stands with me to protect me and drag me forward.

I am of the kapha nature, according to Ayurveda, and kapha people are prone to depression. So it is not uncommon that I feel the night of sorrow enclose me; but I know that just as night brings out stars, sorrow shows us truths. Srila Prabhupada is always there to show the truth of Krsna consciousness in this world of pain and misery. Anyway, a sannyasi should not have optimism about life in this material world. As Sri Sukadeva Gosvami prays, devotees have only Krishna as their cure for unhappiness:

bhuyo namah sad-vrjina-cchide 'satam
asambhavayakhila-sattva-murtaye
pumsam punah paramahamsya asrame
vyavasthitanam anumrgya-dasuse

I again offer my respectful obeisances unto the form of complete existence and transcendence, who is the liberator of the pious devotees from all distresses and the destroyer of the further advances in atheistic temperament of the nondevotee-demons. For the transcendentalists who are situated in the topmost spiritual perfection, He grants their specific destinations.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada!

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